you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
