Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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