3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i love accidental penises.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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