She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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