goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
