bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
