alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
