i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
