You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
