my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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