I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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