my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
