Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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