Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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