How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
