we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
