No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
