I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
