I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
