i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
