Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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