Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
