I just pynch a tree in the face
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
