birth control should be required to get into college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
