i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize