I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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