We're like a lot better than the average bears
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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