Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
