Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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