C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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