Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
