no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize