He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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