why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
