also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
