Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
