I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
