we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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