Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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