U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
