today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
