Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
