I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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