It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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