me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
