i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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