He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
