It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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