Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
