giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
