But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
