I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
