You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
