I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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