Jerry, you need to find god
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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