Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
