Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am puke
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
