Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
