I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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