Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
