You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
