and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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