oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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