If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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