so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
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It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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