if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
