Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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