i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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