tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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