He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
