even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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