I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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