Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
