dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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