Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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