She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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