My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
