Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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