Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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