omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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