This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
