anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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