just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
