can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
