I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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