im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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