i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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