Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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